Creative grant writing - are you selling a zebra?

Grant applications are essentially tools for selling your nonprofit mission to donors. One of the phrases I see often in RFP's or advertisements for grant writing help is this one:

"…seeking creative writer to apply for grants"

That should  mean that the client wants someone to frame their existing message in a fresh, compelling, interesting  way.

Unfortunately, experience has taught me that clients advertising this way want a bit more than that. These advertisers might just as well say "Need fiction writer".

Let's look at the difference. Let's say you want to describe a zebra you really, really need to sell to someone that wants to buy a pony for their child, but really doesn't know much about horses or ponies. Seems easy, right?

One way could be to say:

"Zebras are black-and-white striped animals that live in Africa."  That's not creative or very informative, but it's true.

An alternate creatively written description could read:

"Zebras are undomesticated members of the horse family, and are native to Africa. Their typical black and white striped coats are easily identified at zoos and wild animal preserves. Unlike their domesticated relatives, zebras are seldom tamed or trained for riding or driving. Since both people and large carnivores prey upon them as a food source, they are highly defensive and can disable even a lion with a well-aimed kick. While most members of the horse family are tractable with proper training, zebras have a well-deserved reputation for retaining their wild characteristics even under trained professional handling."

That's all true too, but it is more informative, gives some insight into their temperament ,and even a hint as to why they have that temperament.  Even if you know nothing about equines you can deduce that this is probably not the pony of your child's dreams.

What happens when you add fiction into the mix?  Well, you get something like this.

"Zebras are Africa's answer to the beautiful Arabian horse. Their elegant black-and-white striped coats make them attractive and they are gentle and willing to please."

Paints quite a different picture doesn't it? There is a kernel of truth there, but if you were looking for a pet pony for your kid, you would  be terribly misled and have possibly tragic results if you bought into the fictional zebra description.

Grant applications need to portray your organization in a compelling, yet truthful way. Claiming outcomes  you can't prove or citing financial records that don't exist will not get you a huge grant award. Grantors do their due diligence before handing out money, and once they discover that your zebra is actually a wild animal and  not a pet, you not only won't get the grant, you will be forever branded as a liar. Even if you later acquire the most wonderful kid's pony in the world, everyone will remember your zebra.

I'm a pretty darn good writer, but if you hire me,  even I can't turn your zebra into a pony.